I was in the car yesterday, scanning for an FM station. I passed one station, turned, and went back. Did I hear what I thought I’d heard? Why on earth would any station be playing Roy Rogers and Dale Evans singing “Happy Trails to You?” And what was this feeling bubbling up within me?
Suddenly I was once again a six-year-old boy with gun, holster and (of course) hat, playing cowboy in my back yard. Or perhaps I was seated on the floor, about three feet in front of a 17” black-and-white television, squinting through the static and snow to watch Roy (and his trusty sidekick, Gabby Hayes, of course) rather nonchalantly handle the bad guy of the week. And this was much more than a memory—I was there again, feeling that boy’s feelings, with a whole, unknowable life stretching before me.
I am always amazed at the power of music—even silly, simplistic songs—to evoke emotions we hadn’t known were still within us. Of course I sang along, and of course I knew every single word to a song I hadn’t heard or thought of for decades. This from someone who often can’t remember at noon what he had for breakfast.
I’m learning that one of the unexpected blessings of aging is that you find yourself with both the time and inclination to look back over the challenges and choices that have defined the life I’m happily living. You might think this would be an experience of guilt and regret, but not so! I look back over a life that has been a lot more complicated than it probably needed to be, because I have so often made choices out of fear—usually because I didn’t know there was an alternative. I feel a deep appreciation for the Being of Light I am, and for the Beings of Light all around me. We bump around a lot, still trying to get the hang of this duality thing, and we may seem to be in each other’s way. But it’s all a game, and it’s all Good.
I can see from this higher perspective that I was always trying to make the best choices I could, given my level of awareness at the time. And so has every Being whose path has crossed or paralleled mine. Forgiveness? No need, really. No Being was trying to hurt any other Being—that would be both absurd and impossible. We were playing the game, learning as we moved along, and all the while slowly dissolving the illusory screens so that our unique Light could shine unobstructedly.
Perhaps the most important lessons I’ve learned along the way is that there are no good guys and bad guys, and things aren’t always in black and white. So thanks to a little song that triggered (see what I did there?) a flood of memories and feellings, I have had a chance to deeply appreciate all of my duality experiences, and all of the Beings who are playing the game with me. Since the outcome is not at risk, let’s just relax, love and enjoy.