Spirit Expressions

Guarding the Back Door

So I stopped by my bank the other morning, and when I came out I found that my car had been blocked in by another automobile—a Lexus, no less. What’s more, since there was a large and forbidding construction fence directly behind me, I had no option but to wait. It was really interesting to observe my ego mind over the next, maybe, five minutes. First, it wanted me to honk my horn, loudly and continuously. Or I could barge into the bank—assuming the other driver was there—and throw a hissy fit. My ego mind loves scenes, and this was a perfect opportunity because I was clearly the VICTIM here—of thoughtless Lexus drivers and/or the entire world at large.

My Spirit consciousness saw things quite differently, of course. I was really in no great hurry, and it was a beautiful, cool, crisp spring morning. It was entertaining to speculate about what exactly was happening on the other side of the construction fence. And, of course, my smart phone made it easy to reach pretty much anyone in the entire world that I might want to chat with.

So why was my ego mind so outraged? One word: Powerlessness. There was really nothing to be done—either to resolve the situation or to punish the other driver. (I think I might actually have looked around for a policeman—but only briefly!). I could easily have made a decision to stay in the parking space for a few minutes, enjoying the breeze and checking my emails while I decided what to do next with my day. But the choice had been taken away from me, and the feeling of powerlessness is very uncomfortable for my ego mind.

Now, I wish I could end the story with a loving flourish—the other driver was charming and apologetic, had had a bathroom emergency, and we shared a laugh and a Moment before we both drove off. Not so. She slammed out of the bank, totally focused on her smart phone, got into her car and drove off without so much as a glance in my direction. Can you even imagine what my ego mind could have done with that?? But I wasn’t there: I was at a higher perspective from which I could observe ego mind without embracing it. And also—and this is the realization that made my day—without changing it!

If I decide that it’s terrible to have those thoughts and I clearly still have some major anger issues that I really need to work on, I’m allowing ego mind to have a back-door victory. It’s shifting the drama from outside me to inside me—and that’s far from an improvement. The Truth is, I’m having those thoughts because I’m engaged in a human experience. The peace, the joy, the experience of heaven lies in recognizing how I might once have reacted and in Loving What Is (as Byron Katie describes it). The experience of spiritual wholeness does not lie in being rid of all negative thoughts. It lies in knowing ourselves to be masters of them, always.

And I do, in fact, know some very nice people who own Lexuses. Or Lexi. Whatever. Blessings!

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